Don’t Assume That Other People Think The Same Way That You Think
One thing I am guilty of is I sometimes assume that other people think the way I do. We are all probably guilty of that in one way or another. Sometimes, it works out in a positive way when we act on that thought process. Other times it may not. There is an old saying from a poem that has been attributed to Saint Mother Teresa that goes something along the lines of, “The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.” Is that really true? Being a nurse and a critical thinker, my initial response is, “Well, it just depends…”
For example, when my husband and I lived in California, there was the night that we were in our den watching TV when we saw what appeared to be people walking with flashlights in our next-door neighbor’s yard while she was not at home. Our neighborhood was a somewhat ‘iffy’ neighborhood. Our neighbor had recently put her home up for sale. We were suspicious, so we both walked outside to the fence and hollered, “Hey! Who’s over there?” It turned out to be a realtor with two prospective buyers. The buyers ended up buying the house. Surprisingly, our new neighbors later told us how glad they were about our boldness and how our willingness to speak up that night was the final deciding factor in buying that particular house! My husband and I mutually agreed with our new neighbors that if we ever saw or suspected anything suspicious, either party should and would speak up, make a phone call, or take whatever action we felt was necessary in a potentially ‘sketchy’ situation. So, basically, our new neighbors had a similar thought process. I could argue, “They think like we do!” or “We think like they do!” The good that we did was not forgotten and, in fact, was encouraged by both parties the entire time we lived in that neighborhood.
My husband and I are in the process of developing our family farm into a public farm. We both agreed that we wanted to hire a local person who lives in our community to help with a few projects. We both believe in buying and supporting local businesses. We both agreed that a local person would appreciate the great work we are doing by providing a much needed public farm in our area. We decided to start our search at the hardware store down the street. I went to the hardware store and had a conversation with some of the employees. The employees almost emphatically recommended a young man who lives nearby. “This is the guy you want! Call him first!” One of the employees showed me the young man’s Facebook page. It was very impressive! Beautiful kitchens and other renovations that the young man had recently completed. I went home and talked with my husband. He looked at the Facebook page too and agreed that we should reach out to this young man. The young man came out to our house, shared his ideas, and gave us an estimate. We decided to hire him for our project, which included front and back porch renovation as well as gutter installation. We had learned that this young man was also a father with a few small children and going through a divorce. Mutually, my husband and I thought, “He’s local. He’s got kids. He’s going through a divorce. He needs the money. He knows we’re evolving our family farm into a public farm. He knows this will be good for the community. The hardware store recommended him. Let’s hire him.”
What a mistake! He was consistently late and never on time. His workers were always dropping cigarette butts in the yard, sleeping in their cars, and loafing around while they were waiting for him to show up. The gutter installation was faulty and only partially completed. This caused the gutters to leak and flood the front porch every time we had a heavy rain. The back porch ceiling also leaked every time it rained. He went way over budget and always needed extra money to cover some unexpected but necessary expense. Several items went missing from our yard, never to be recovered. He never finished the job. We never bothered to call him or beg him to come back. We never pursued legal action either. It was just good riddance! A few months later, we learned that he lost his home and that his home had been auctioned. We also learned that he had been arrested for an act of violence. Again, good riddance! Clearly, this young man did not think the way my husband and I think. The good we did by hiring this young man in his hour of need was not only not appreciated, it was clearly never on his radar!
For a while, I felt depressed and even disenchanted with the concept of operating a public farm. We had to hire someone else to finish the job and correct his mistakes. We shifted our focus from hiring local to hiring for integrity and quality. Several Google reviews and Facebook comments later, we found a company that was able to not only repair the leaking porch but also correct the underlying problem, which was that the job was not done correctly in the first place. We found another company that removed the faulty gutter system and replaced it with a functional system. Now, the front porch no longer floods.
What is the moral or the point of this story? Remember what I said about being a nurse and a critical thinker? This incident was a brutal reminder that maybe I am not always the critical thinker that I like to think that I am. I should have researched and asked more questions about the young contractor recommended by the local hardware store. Was this young man perhaps a family member of the hardware store employees? What was his reputation in the community? Is he even involved in the community? If so, how? He talked a good talk and posted lots of pretty pictures on his business page. He was also highly recommended by the hardware store employees. On the surface, this all sounds good, but I should have looked a little beyond that! What did his previous customers have to say about their experience? Did he have any positive Google reviews? Was he even a licensed contractor?
Not everyone thinks like we do or shares the same values that we do. People may put their best foot forward with their hand stuck out waiting to take whatever you hand them. However, they may have no intention of returning that favor to you or paying that favor forward to anyone else. On the other hand, people, like our new neighbors in California, will surprise you when you least expect it! Continue to do good. Follow your heart. But, don’t just assume that people think the same way that you think! Be more discerning!
Thanks for reading! Be sure to like and follow me on social media so you can read more about my misadventures!
Clifton Joullian, B.S.N., R.N.
The Nurse Farmer
